And what would you like to drink? the perky server asks.

Ill have a Diet Coke, no ice, and a slice of lime, please.

About five minutes later, our drinks arrive.

Mine has ice, and theres no lime.

I may as well take a sip anyway; Im parched.

Hey, thats too sweet to be a Diet Coke. Ill bet she gave me the regular brew.

Its amazing that a restaurants server can make three errors when handling a simple soft drink order, but it happens to me all the time.

Before you blame me for my misfortunes, thinking I mumble or something, I must tell you Ive tried everything to help servers to get it right, from speaking S-L-O-W-L-Y to repeating the phrase before they scurry away:

Again, thats a Diet Coke, no ice, and a slice of lime, please.

Still, more than 50% of the time I get either ice or a bright yellow LEMON, instead of the lime.

Ill even resort to redundancy: Ill have a Diet Coke, no ice, and a slice of GREEN lime, please.

Once, a savvy waiter caught this and replied: I thought limes only come in green!

Then, I regaled him with the back story about how often his colleagues get it wrong, thinking lemons and limes are interchangeable. He smiled and nodded, knowingly.

What are the results of these errors?

(1) I send back the defective cola. This wastes everybodys time, preventing the server from promptly assisting everyone at her station.

(2) I dont have time for dessert, nor the desire to reinforce a server whose skills are lacking, by ordering more.

(3) The servers tips suffer. My rule of thumb is its a buck-an-error, if Im having dinner. Some waiters have lost five-spots this way. They earn less, quit more, restaurants have to recruit and train replacements, and more productivity and money are lost.

(4) They dont just blow it with Cokes. When my medium-rare steak is delivered, burnt, it goes back, and that is a pure loss for the establishment. Plus avoidable costs like these are reflected in higher prices for customers. We eat out less often.

(5) Everyone grows irritated. Servers blame customers for their own errors, becoming visibly defensive. If Im going to encounter an upset waiter in the future, Ill take my business elsewhere. Again, more losses for everyone.

The amount of money these listening errors costs cannot be known, down to the penny, but it has to amount to billions of dollars each year.

Wouldnt it be cheaper and more pleasant for the restaurant industry to teach servers how to listen?